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Random Thoughts ... while stoned
Jul. 23rd, 2023 12:41 pmA collection of random thoughts I had while stoned, from March 26-June 17, 2023.
Aren’t Cassettes Wonderful? (March 26, 2023)
The following was written on paper, then transcribed literatim, aside from some bracketed clarifications.
Aren’t cassettes wonderful? Most people probably could afford a portable recorder. You could record audio and play it back. For the adventurous, you can physically cut the tape and rearrange [the pieces]. You could also apply effects like delay, phase, etc. to create new "impossible" sounds.
And you could hold magnetic data in your hand, like jillions of little bumps that could even be altered by creasing the tape, erasing it here and there. Physical (avec des mains) data editing.
[Vinyl] Records also let you hold data in your hand, but records make sounds by physical shapes in the vinyl, but cassettes is (sic) pure electronics. MAGNETIC!
You also can reshape records a little by melting or warping them but you can’t cut them up and rearrange the pieces to make a new record. CDs hold data, but scratching a CD probably makes it unplayable, or at best, skip. You can’t alter pitch by scratching a CD. And unless a record or cassette is so physically distorted as to be unplayable, a record player or cassette player will still play them. A CD often just gets ejected if the reader can’t read it.
The Ultimate Bottom (April 20, 2023)
These notes were dictated into my phone while I was on my 4/20 Adventure. Copied and pasted here, with one bracketed clarification.
I like the feeling of vulnerability in the big outside world.
It’s like you’re so stoned you wouldn’t realize if somebody was angrily threatening you
It’s a very strange feeling. Stumbling around disoriented, not recognizing threats, it’s scary and exciting at the same time
It’s like I’ve become the ultimate bottom. I submit to everything! Many!
Getting back to stumbling around in public, maybe it’s not that I’ve become the ultimate bottom but because I’m completely invulnerable. Or just beyond physical sensation?
More than just being indifferent to physical sensation, but maybe the feeling that you’re in a state of non-existence. May look like you’re in the real world but you are not interacting with it
I wonder if some [mentally ill] people are like that. They lost all higher functions in their brain. They instinctively look for shelter or food
They are disassociated from their social state. They do not perceive other people at all except as objects that are notfood and notshelter (sic).
Butch + Femmy (April 21, 2023)
These were dictated into my phone. Copied and pasted here, with bracketed clarifications.
usual odd random thoughts, but i felt very peaceful
after [$6M-Man and I] parted, i went to catch the [bus]
so i’m in my tough guy leather jacket and my furry barbarian boots, and feeling like Wolverine from the movies, and I wore a scowl, not a defiant self-confidence compensation kinda scowl, it just seemed to fit
at the same time i’m walking in a scissor pattern, holding my backpack by the strap like it’s a handbag and my sparkly space nails. i walked like i owned the place. again, it wasn’t a compensation kind of thing, i felt quite imperious
i felt simultaneously butch and femmy at the same time. I looked tough and menacing. i loved it.
i also didn’t have my usual afternoon blues. could be because i was stoned and with company and enjoying doing some art in a nice setting. or did being stoned actually “flatten out” that blues feeling i get in the afternoons? would micro-dosing help?
Feeling like a Beat (May 25, 2023)
After my 4/20 Adventure I wanted to try going out stoned in public again, this time at night, riding the buses and streetcars around Portland, then finally walking east across the Tilikum Crossing bridge. The first was a mini-poem I made up when I saw a boat in the river, without lights, not moving, utterly silent like a ghost ship.
I was trying to use an ironic metaphor there; yes, there were waves but too silent to hear over the sound of distant cars on the freeway.
I’m at the point in my life where I’m sometimes self-conscious about aging, and I notice every new wrinkle or line. I know at this point I’ll never be as fit and toned as I was as a younger man (short of going to Marine boot camp or similar). But now and then, I embrace this body of mine! It was a warm but pleasant evening. I had been wearing a hoodie but took it off while crossing the bridge to enjoy the breeze. And recently I’ve been learning about the Beat Generation. If only I’d worn jeans and boots that night! But I still felt like a Beat, walking around the river at night in an American city.
Shouting at an Audition (June 17, 2023)
At one point during that evening’s tincture, I either fell asleep briefly and had a short dream or I was just daydreaming, but in either case, this is what I wrote down (transcribed literatim):
I was at an audition, playing piano & singing. The director told his engineer to cut all the power, to see how I’d handle it. I told the audience just to be very quiet and listen as best they could. One guy began [illegible, possibly “chortling”] and shouting, and getting others to join in. I screamed, “Shout at me all you want, I CAN OUT SHOUT ALL OF YOU!”
Aren’t Cassettes Wonderful? (March 26, 2023)
The following was written on paper, then transcribed literatim, aside from some bracketed clarifications.
Aren’t cassettes wonderful? Most people probably could afford a portable recorder. You could record audio and play it back. For the adventurous, you can physically cut the tape and rearrange [the pieces]. You could also apply effects like delay, phase, etc. to create new "impossible" sounds.
And you could hold magnetic data in your hand, like jillions of little bumps that could even be altered by creasing the tape, erasing it here and there. Physical (avec des mains) data editing.
[Vinyl] Records also let you hold data in your hand, but records make sounds by physical shapes in the vinyl, but cassettes is (sic) pure electronics. MAGNETIC!
You also can reshape records a little by melting or warping them but you can’t cut them up and rearrange the pieces to make a new record. CDs hold data, but scratching a CD probably makes it unplayable, or at best, skip. You can’t alter pitch by scratching a CD. And unless a record or cassette is so physically distorted as to be unplayable, a record player or cassette player will still play them. A CD often just gets ejected if the reader can’t read it.
The Ultimate Bottom (April 20, 2023)
These notes were dictated into my phone while I was on my 4/20 Adventure. Copied and pasted here, with one bracketed clarification.
I like the feeling of vulnerability in the big outside world.
It’s like you’re so stoned you wouldn’t realize if somebody was angrily threatening you
It’s a very strange feeling. Stumbling around disoriented, not recognizing threats, it’s scary and exciting at the same time
It’s like I’ve become the ultimate bottom. I submit to everything! Many!
Getting back to stumbling around in public, maybe it’s not that I’ve become the ultimate bottom but because I’m completely invulnerable. Or just beyond physical sensation?
More than just being indifferent to physical sensation, but maybe the feeling that you’re in a state of non-existence. May look like you’re in the real world but you are not interacting with it
I wonder if some [mentally ill] people are like that. They lost all higher functions in their brain. They instinctively look for shelter or food
They are disassociated from their social state. They do not perceive other people at all except as objects that are notfood and notshelter (sic).
Butch + Femmy (April 21, 2023)
These were dictated into my phone. Copied and pasted here, with bracketed clarifications.
usual odd random thoughts, but i felt very peaceful
after [$6M-Man and I] parted, i went to catch the [bus]
so i’m in my tough guy leather jacket and my furry barbarian boots, and feeling like Wolverine from the movies, and I wore a scowl, not a defiant self-confidence compensation kinda scowl, it just seemed to fit
at the same time i’m walking in a scissor pattern, holding my backpack by the strap like it’s a handbag and my sparkly space nails. i walked like i owned the place. again, it wasn’t a compensation kind of thing, i felt quite imperious
i felt simultaneously butch and femmy at the same time. I looked tough and menacing. i loved it.
i also didn’t have my usual afternoon blues. could be because i was stoned and with company and enjoying doing some art in a nice setting. or did being stoned actually “flatten out” that blues feeling i get in the afternoons? would micro-dosing help?
Feeling like a Beat (May 25, 2023)
After my 4/20 Adventure I wanted to try going out stoned in public again, this time at night, riding the buses and streetcars around Portland, then finally walking east across the Tilikum Crossing bridge. The first was a mini-poem I made up when I saw a boat in the river, without lights, not moving, utterly silent like a ghost ship.
| On a black boat on a black night in the black river the waves sound like distant cars on the freeway |
I was trying to use an ironic metaphor there; yes, there were waves but too silent to hear over the sound of distant cars on the freeway.
I’m at the point in my life where I’m sometimes self-conscious about aging, and I notice every new wrinkle or line. I know at this point I’ll never be as fit and toned as I was as a younger man (short of going to Marine boot camp or similar). But now and then, I embrace this body of mine! It was a warm but pleasant evening. I had been wearing a hoodie but took it off while crossing the bridge to enjoy the breeze. And recently I’ve been learning about the Beat Generation. If only I’d worn jeans and boots that night! But I still felt like a Beat, walking around the river at night in an American city.
| I don’t look like Ginsburg, Rechy, or Kerouac but I sure feel like them. Every once in awhile I like looking old and [weathered] because [of] my age |
Shouting at an Audition (June 17, 2023)
At one point during that evening’s tincture, I either fell asleep briefly and had a short dream or I was just daydreaming, but in either case, this is what I wrote down (transcribed literatim):
I was at an audition, playing piano & singing. The director told his engineer to cut all the power, to see how I’d handle it. I told the audience just to be very quiet and listen as best they could. One guy began [illegible, possibly “chortling”] and shouting, and getting others to join in. I screamed, “Shout at me all you want, I CAN OUT SHOUT ALL OF YOU!”
